Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Connectivism
This is the concept from the reader that I have found the most challenging and I think this is mainly because I like social constructionism and connectivism in some ways contradicts it.
“Learning is a process that occurs within nebulous environments of shifting core elements – not entirely under the control of the individual. Learning (defined as actionable knowledge) can reside outside of ourselves (within an organisation or database).” (Siemens, 2004)
I do not entirely agree with this statement. I do not believe that learning can exist outside of a person. I think information can exist but that learning is about comprehension and it is people who possess this ability. With regards to an organisation learning I believe this occurs because the people within the organisation have a new understanding and therefore collectively implement change. It is however still about people.
If learning happens within a person and experience is how we truly make something part of our understanding I could not see how connectivism could have any truth or importance, particularly in relation to my practice and professional networks. I then read this quote by Karen Stephenson:
“Experience has long been considered the best teacher of knowledge. Since we cannot experience everything, other people’s experiences and hence other people become the surrogate for knowledge” (Stephenson, undated).
Firstly I like that this statement acknowledges that the best way to acquire knowledge is through experience but it also tries to address what happens in the absence of experience and whether in these circumstances it is still possible to learn. I began to consider the statement carefully and realised there was truth in it, and that it applies directly to me.
As an actor you are required to understand and emotionally connect with a character you are playing so you can give as honest and believable a performance as possible. You are also faced regularly with portraying things that you have never directly experienced. For example, if you were asked to portray a rape victim (and pray to God you had never personally experienced it) the closest way of understanding it would be to read about it, or talk to someone who had experienced it.
Where does that leave us with regards to only really comprehending something if you experience it? I think reading about it or talking to someone is not enough to fully understand the emotions involved. This is where I think connectivism comes into its own. As an actor you would then relate the emotions the rape victim describes to your own experiences trying to find connections and common ground that would help you understand the event and play it truthfully. It is knowledge through thinking and reasoning but it is still connected to your own experience and understanding. It is about empathy and I think would prove easier for a person with ‘intrapersonal intelligence’ (Gardner, 1983). Perhaps this is why in my experience the best actors are always very empathic people.
If to understand something you have not experienced you need to make connections with things you have experienced it then follows that the more you have experienced the easier it will be for you to comprehend things outside of your experience. Therefore there appears to be a distinction between children and adults here. Children may be in more need of experiencing something to understand it than adults because their current pool of experience is small and it is therefore harder for them to make connections.
As an actor the more life experiences you have the easier it is to understand and connect to experiences you haven’t had. Perhaps this is why drama schools usually accept students who are slightly older (between twenty-one and twenty-five). This is something that does not happen so much on musical theatre courses. Usually people are eighteen and indeed in some cases younger (there were several sixteen year olds on my course). I think this is probably because in musical theatre it is also important to be a good dancer and as a dancer you have a short working life. I am beginning to wonder whether this realisation relates back to my inquiry blog. Is part of the reason musical theatre performers are generally considered less good actors because they are too young when they train as actors? Perhaps their life experience is too little at that point so they never acquire the skill of making the empathic connections between their experiences and other people’s.
This thought may also have connotations for Melissa’s inquiry. She is wondering about the differences in training between American and British performers. There is a really interesting statistic that states that on average a Broadway cast is ten years older than a West End cast (I don’t know where the statistic comes from or if it is exact but from experience I know the principle to be true). Could Americans place more value in age and experience than we do here in Britain (something that is important for both connectivism and social constructionism)? Even if you are a young performer on Broadway you will have had the opportunity to work with many much older more experienced ones, who will in turn improve your understanding. I have found chances to mix with really seasoned professionals quite limited here in Britain, with the oldest person being under thirty in some casts I have worked in.
Connectvism has made me appreciate that as an actor your professional network is suddenly unlimited. Acting is about imitating and recreating life, “to hold as ‘twere, the mirror up to nature” (Shakespeare, 1601). As such your professional network suddenly incorporates all the books you have ever read that you have emotionally learnt from, the documentaries you have watched that have taught you and moved you, the people you have watched arguing at the bus stop because you think they would make a good character study, and so on.
References:
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader.
Gardner, H. (1983) Frames of mind: the theory of multiple intelligences, New York: Basic Books.
Greenhough, M. (2010) Inquiry - what are the differences between the ways English and American dancers are trained, http://melissagreenhough.blogspot.com/2010/11/inquiry-what-are-differences-between.html accessed 7 December 2010.
Iles, M. (2010) Inquiry, http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/11/inquiry.html accessed 7 December 2010.
Shakespeare, W. (1601) Hamlet, [Jenkins, H. (1982) , 2nd ed, London: Arden].
Siemens, G (2004) Connectivism: a learning theory for the digital age, http://74.125.155.132/scholar?q=cache:5HZrx9Kfgl8J:scholar.google.com/+Connectivism:+A%20+learning+theory+for+the+digital+age&hl=en&as_sdt=2000&as_vis=1 accessed 5 December 2010.
Siemens, G (2004) Connectivism: a learning theory for the digital age, http://74.125.155.132/scholar?q=cache:5HZrx9Kfgl8J:scholar.google.com/+Connectivism:+A%20+learning+theory+for+the+digital+age&hl=en&as_sdt=2000&as_vis=1 accessed 5 December 2010.
Monday, 6 December 2010
Social Constructionism
This concept is something I really connect with and is something I wrote about in one of my first blogs called Constructivism. I like the idea that in order to fully grasp something you have to make it part of your experience. William James believed the way we know something is true is that it comes back and proves true in our experience. The way I always imagine it to myself is that if you were to give a bald person who had never had any hair and never seen any hair a hairbrush, even if you explained to them what it was for, they would have no comprehension of what you were talking about. If you then showed them someone with hair brushing it, or perhaps even got them to brush it themselves, the hairbrush acquires meaning for them. A meaning they have constructed themselves from their own experience.
David Kolb also believes that learning is experiential. He says, 'The centre of learning is experience, your own subjective experience' (Kolb, date unknown) . As I have mentioned before I believe I have a reflective learning style. I therefore like to watch something being done first before I attempt it myself. This is where I think the concept of social constructionism comes into its own with regards to professional networks. If within your network you have older, more experienced practitioners who are demonstrating beneficial ways too professionally conduct yourself it is possible to first watch this behaviour and then try to imitate it until it is a natural an integral part of your own understanding and practice.
I was reading 'Getting Started With University Level Work Based Learning' (Durrant et al, 2009) where it is suggested that for self employed people it can be beneficial to appoint a mentor (someone in your profession who is more experienced) to fill the void left by the absence of a employer. This person would be there to bounce ideas off, give important advice, and (I think most importantly) lead by example. I have decided to make my friend Helen Evans my mentor. She is an older actress I worked with on ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ and she is extremely talented. She is also assistant head of acting on an up and coming musical theatre course. Not only that she is currently doing extremely interesting research for her PhD, some of which I have been involved in. The fact that she is an experienced, talented actress and teacher, coupled with the fact that she is used to working within academic institutions makes her an ideal person to have as a mentor. I have spoken to her about it and she thinks it’s a marvellous idea and is really looking forward to it. She says that she may learn something too, which is one of the things I love about her. She is always looking to expand her knowledge and understanding. I am hoping that through working closely with her I will stretch myself and expand my current understanding.
References:
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader.
Durrant, A., Rhodes, G. & Young, D. (2009) Getting started with university level work based learning, London: Middlesex University Press.
Experience Based Learning Systems, Inc. (2000-2010) Experiential learning [online]. Available from: http://www.learningfromexperience.com/ accessed 2 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Constructivism http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/09/constructivism.html accessed 5 December 2010.
Kolb, D, A. (1984) Experiential learning, London: Prentice Hall.
References:
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader.
Durrant, A., Rhodes, G. & Young, D. (2009) Getting started with university level work based learning, London: Middlesex University Press.
Experience Based Learning Systems, Inc. (2000-2010) Experiential learning [online]. Available from: http://www.learningfromexperience.com/ accessed 2 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Constructivism http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/09/constructivism.html accessed 5 December 2010.
Kolb, D, A. (1984) Experiential learning, London: Prentice Hall.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Affiliation
Firstly I don’t think professional networking takes place because we have a psychological need for it. Perhaps socially we do (e.g. the desire to find a partner) and perhaps in business we mimic this behaviour because we are aware of the benefits it will bring but I believe it to be a conscious choice not an innate desire.
This assertion started me thinking about people’s need to affiliate. If socially you don’t have a strong need for affiliation (perhaps you are a content loner) I don’t think it necessarily follows that you won’t need or want to affiliate yourself with people professionally. I would say that I am naturally content with my own company. I have some very good friends but don’t like to have lots of superficial friendships. Professionally however I have come to realise that this can be detrimental to my career. It is important for me to cultivate superficial professional friendships to benefit me (see my blog on cooperation). This creates a problem for me because as I don’t practice it socially, I am not good at it professionally. I have realised that a person’s desire to affiliate is not necessarily the same as their ability to affiliate. I now have a desire to make professional connections but, as I have mentioned before, I am rubbish at doing so. This must be the case for many people and there must be many factors that affect people’s ability to affiliate, for example social upbringing. A person who has had an abusive relationship as child, may desperately want a secure relationship as an adult, but may not know how to maintain it.
Thinking in more depth about how, where and why I affiliate, I have noticed that I am moving into a new phase. As well as still needing to create and maintain relationships with teachers, directors and more experienced professionals, I am beginning to give back to students and younger performers more than I ever have before. The question ‘If experienced and influential individuals are likely to be at their preferred level of affiliation, why is it common for them to still assist younger, less experienced individuals?” really interests me and I think I am now beginning to understand the answer. I think what it comes down to is motivation. What motivates us? The same things that motivated me ten years ago do not motivate me now. I am now inclined to help people who before I may not have done, and receiving a favour in return is not my goal because career advancement is no longer always of primary importance to me. Other things take precedent, such as my desire to be a generous person, or my belief that it is important to nurture talent to keep the industry I am still a part of strong, or the fact that I take enjoyment from watching people improve and succeed. As you can see I have lots of different reasons for doing things and I think these reasons could apply to more experienced professionals too, as well as a host of others. It is not just a case of doing something nice, it is the fact that doing something nice makes you feel good about yourself and is therefore a positive motivation. The chances are, even if it was nice, if you completely hated it you wouldn’t do it, unless you were a saint.
References:
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader
Crisp, J & Turner, R. (2007) Essential social psychology. London: Sage
Iles, M. (2010) Cooperation http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/12/cooperation.html accessed 5 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Cooperation http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/12/cooperation.html accessed 5 December 2010
Cooperation
At first glance I thought the idea of cooperation was a simple one. You assist someone for mutual benefit, or ‘TIT FOR TAT’ as Robert Axelrod defines it (Axelrod, 1984). You do something with the understanding (or at least the hope) that you will get something back. It may not be the same thing you have given but it will be of equal benefit for you. This is something I know I do and I mentioned a specific example in my blog on Current Networks where I did some recording for an MD friend in the hope that later I would receive a favour back.
The more I think about this idea the more it makes perfect sense in a business environment. It is a bartering of information the same as you would barter goods. You need it to progress but you also need to make sure you are getting a ‘fair price’ so that others don’t advance too far ahead of you.
I like Ross’ assertion that people sometimes withhold valuable information, for example an audition, because they don’t want you as direct competition. This has been my experience too. I suppose there are two ways of dealing with this. The first would be to make sure your networks consisted of people in the same field as you but not in direct competition with you so that the problem would never arise. I don’t think this option is particularly realistic though and I think would a lot of the time lead to you missing information that is specifically related to your ‘type’ of performer. I think the second, and more professionally astute way to deal with someone withholding a piece of information you want is to work out what they want and do a trade. The main problem I find with this is it all seems very calculated. As I have mentioned before a lot of my professional network I also consider friends so I am not sure ‘TIT FOR TAT’ is always how I operate.
Joanna talks in her blog about ‘Altruism’, which I think is a very important concept. Sometimes I cooperate with someone for no personal gain. For no other reason that because I can and it will help them.
I began to consider what determines when I cooperate for mutual benefit and when I am altruistic. I suppose what it eventually comes down to is how well I know or like the person. There are some people within my network who I would do things for if I thought I might get something back. I think these people would usually be less well known to me. Perhaps, directors or choreographers, or people I would consider acquaintances. I suppose cooperating here is a calculated risk as there is no guarantee that you will end up benefiting. Then there are those people in my network who I would help without any want of something in return, as long as it didn’t cost me too much (i.e. too much time/ effort/money, or cost me a professional opportunity for myself). This group would mainly consist of friends and close professionals that I have worked. There is then an even closer part of my network that I would cooperate with irrespective of the cost. For example my boyfriend and best friend are both performers. I would help either of them in any way even if it caused me to lose out. This is truly altruistic because they would be benefiting them at my expense.
I think understanding these things about myself gives me an important insight in how to cultivate my networks. If I would be more willing to cooperate with a friend without expecting something back in figures that others would feel the same. It therefore seems beneficial to get as many people into the ‘professional friend’ bracket as possible. This puts me in mind of a comment Emily Rose left on my Changing Practice blog. She wrote, “I think people remember you easier if they have met you in person”. I am now really aware of the truth in this statement and it makes me even more determined to improve at ‘face to face’ networking. By meeting people in person and building a rapport with them I can hopefully succeed in increasing my network of 'professional friends'. As Emily Rose quoted “It's not what you know or who you know but who knows you!” (Susan RoAne, 2006).
References:
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader
Axelrod, R. (1984) The evolution of cooperation. London: Penguin
Dunning, R. (2010) Critical reflection on the networked professional course reader http://rossdunning.blogspot.com/2010/11/critical-reflection-on-networked.html accessed 4 December 2010
Adeyinka, J. (2010) A critical reflection on professional networking theories
http://joanna-adeyinka.blogspot.com/2010/11/critical-reflection-on-professional.html accessed 4 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Current networks http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/11/current-networks.html accessed 4 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Changing practice http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/11/changing-practice.html accessed 4 December 2010
Durrant, A. (2010) The networked professional reader
Axelrod, R. (1984) The evolution of cooperation. London: Penguin
Dunning, R. (2010) Critical reflection on the networked professional course reader http://rossdunning.blogspot.com/2010/11/critical-reflection-on-networked.html accessed 4 December 2010
Adeyinka, J. (2010) A critical reflection on professional networking theories
http://joanna-adeyinka.blogspot.com/2010/11/critical-reflection-on-professional.html accessed 4 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Current networks http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/11/current-networks.html accessed 4 December 2010
Iles, M. (2010) Changing practice http://markgraemeiles.blogspot.com/2010/11/changing-practice.html accessed 4 December 2010
Saturday, 4 December 2010
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
New Photos
I've added some new photos of 'Peter Pan' onto my Flickr page. Take a look.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/markgraemeiles/show/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/markgraemeiles/show/
Monday, 29 November 2010
Changing Practice
I have noticed two incidents recently where I have changed the way I would normally behave and I believe it to be because of the work we are doing on professional networks as part of this course.
The first incident regards 'face to face' networking. I recently had my opening night for 'Peter Pan' here in Malaysia. A big gala was held and the invited audience contained press as well as other important people. After the performance there was a party held to celebrate and also promote the show. As I said in my previous blog I usually hate this kind of event because I don't feel comfortable putting myself forward in these situations. I find it very difficult to 'schmooze' with people and would normally make a quick appearance after the show and then make my excuses and leave. It had never really occurred to me that by doing this I might be missing out on professional opportunities until I started considering professional networks.
In the past I have usually worked as an ensemble dancer in the jobs I have done. I think I sometimes used the excuse that 'no one would want to talk to me anyway so what was the harm in leaving early?' I think after consideration this again seems to stem from low self confidence. Here in Malaysia however I am playing Peter Pan so can't use my old excuses. It is expected of me to attend events and promote the show, so I thought to myself no matter how I feel I ought to make the most of this opportunity.
It then became apparent to me that I didn't know what to do? I had no real experience of networking at parties because I always avoid it. In my last blog I asked whether 'face to face' networking was a skill that people naturally have or whether it was something you could learn. Natalie thought it was perhaps something you could learn or at least improve upon where as Alana thought it was either something you had or didn't. I must admit I tended to lean towards Alana's way of thinking. Some people seem to be so naturally gifted at it and I so completely inadequate that I thought it must be a gift. Natalie's comment did however make me think. If it is something you can learn then how do you do it?
I have mentioned before that I believe I have a reflective learning style. I like to watch someone else do something first before I consider it and try it for myself. This knowledge led me to think about someone I professionally admire who I know to be good at 'face to face' networking.
The first person I thought of was a lady called Rachel Stanley who played Truly Scrumptious when I was in 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'. Not only is she a wonderful performer but I always noticed that she managed to lead the company incredibly well. She seems to be able to talk to anyone (I think 'seems' is a very interesting word here. It would be worthwhile asking Rachel how she actually feels about networking. Whether she thinks she has always been good at it, if she has improved at it or if she hates it but forces herself to do it). She always comes across as charming, personable, intelligent and funny. All things that are natural parts of her personality but that somehow become heightened when she is in a professional environment. This idea reminded me of a video I posted on a previous blog of Rob Ashford (director/choreographer) describing what he looks for in someone when they audition. He said he thought that people should be heightened versions of their natural selves. Auditioning is something I have done a lot of and something I have become more comfortable with over the last eight years. I would say that I have definitely improved at it from constant practice. Is it possible that 'face to face' networking at a party is just a different form of auditioning and therefore is it possible to approach them both in the same way and improve ones ability?
I decided to try the theory out. I stayed at the party for about an hour and a half and spoke to a lot of different people trying to imagine I was at an audition. It made the process easier because I was continually aware I was working and that therefore whatever happened was not personal. This made me feel more secure and more in control than usual. I can't say that I loved the experience but I do think that having a way to approach it definitely helped, and that that it may well be something I can get better at if I am determined and also brave enough.
The second incident regards networking through technology and relates right back to the discussions people were having about Facebook privacy and reputation during the communication technology part of the module.
The show here in Malaysia has been heavily marketed and as part of that fifty bloggers were invited to a promotional event to advertise the show. The marketing team believed that inviting the bloggers was one of the quickest and cheapest ways to advertise the show. They said that if the bloggers liked it and blogged about it then it would "go viral". An interesting idea in relation to this course.
Since the event I have had at least ten bloggers request to be my friend on Facebook and now, since the show opened, I have even had members of the audience request me. My initial reaction was to deny the requests. I absolutely did not want these random people knowing things about my life. Then I thought about it again in relation to professional networks. One network I had not thought at all about until now is the one between me and my audience (not meaning to sound starry). In relation to this show and its marketing it would be advantageous for me to accept these people because it promotes my work to them and then through them to an even wider network.
A few months ago people were talking about creating a totally separate Facebook page for work. At the time I didn't feel this was necessary because I considered the majority of my colleagues and work connections to be friends as well, perhaps because of the intimate nature of what we do. Suddenly. however, I found myself in a situation where there were people who I wanted to accept but who I didn't want to know all about me or see everything on my page. I was still unsure about creating a whole new account though. I couldn't see how to easily do it because my stage and real name are the same. Also how do you move people from one account another or tell them you will only accept their friend request in a separate account without offending them?
It was then that one of the dancers in 'Peter Pan' explained to me that you can put 'friends' you have accepted on Facebook into different folders and then control what the people in that folder see. This was the perfect solution to my problem. It took me quite a long time to figure out but I have now created a folder within my current Facebook profile entitled 'work'. I have arranged it so that people I put in this folder can only see carefully selected professional photos and a short biography. They also have the ability to send me a message but they cannot see or write on my wall nor can they see any photos I am tagged in by other people.
Although I had thought about taking control of my reputation with regards to web based technologies it is only now that I feel I have started to implement these thoughts and decide who I want to see what. In doing so I am presenting a self controlled, professional image to these bloggers and audience members that is totally separate from my personal life. I am going to continue to create new folders within my Facebook account because I really like feeling in charge of the image I present to others.
The first incident regards 'face to face' networking. I recently had my opening night for 'Peter Pan' here in Malaysia. A big gala was held and the invited audience contained press as well as other important people. After the performance there was a party held to celebrate and also promote the show. As I said in my previous blog I usually hate this kind of event because I don't feel comfortable putting myself forward in these situations. I find it very difficult to 'schmooze' with people and would normally make a quick appearance after the show and then make my excuses and leave. It had never really occurred to me that by doing this I might be missing out on professional opportunities until I started considering professional networks.
In the past I have usually worked as an ensemble dancer in the jobs I have done. I think I sometimes used the excuse that 'no one would want to talk to me anyway so what was the harm in leaving early?' I think after consideration this again seems to stem from low self confidence. Here in Malaysia however I am playing Peter Pan so can't use my old excuses. It is expected of me to attend events and promote the show, so I thought to myself no matter how I feel I ought to make the most of this opportunity.
It then became apparent to me that I didn't know what to do? I had no real experience of networking at parties because I always avoid it. In my last blog I asked whether 'face to face' networking was a skill that people naturally have or whether it was something you could learn. Natalie thought it was perhaps something you could learn or at least improve upon where as Alana thought it was either something you had or didn't. I must admit I tended to lean towards Alana's way of thinking. Some people seem to be so naturally gifted at it and I so completely inadequate that I thought it must be a gift. Natalie's comment did however make me think. If it is something you can learn then how do you do it?
I have mentioned before that I believe I have a reflective learning style. I like to watch someone else do something first before I consider it and try it for myself. This knowledge led me to think about someone I professionally admire who I know to be good at 'face to face' networking.
The first person I thought of was a lady called Rachel Stanley who played Truly Scrumptious when I was in 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'. Not only is she a wonderful performer but I always noticed that she managed to lead the company incredibly well. She seems to be able to talk to anyone (I think 'seems' is a very interesting word here. It would be worthwhile asking Rachel how she actually feels about networking. Whether she thinks she has always been good at it, if she has improved at it or if she hates it but forces herself to do it). She always comes across as charming, personable, intelligent and funny. All things that are natural parts of her personality but that somehow become heightened when she is in a professional environment. This idea reminded me of a video I posted on a previous blog of Rob Ashford (director/choreographer) describing what he looks for in someone when they audition. He said he thought that people should be heightened versions of their natural selves. Auditioning is something I have done a lot of and something I have become more comfortable with over the last eight years. I would say that I have definitely improved at it from constant practice. Is it possible that 'face to face' networking at a party is just a different form of auditioning and therefore is it possible to approach them both in the same way and improve ones ability?
I decided to try the theory out. I stayed at the party for about an hour and a half and spoke to a lot of different people trying to imagine I was at an audition. It made the process easier because I was continually aware I was working and that therefore whatever happened was not personal. This made me feel more secure and more in control than usual. I can't say that I loved the experience but I do think that having a way to approach it definitely helped, and that that it may well be something I can get better at if I am determined and also brave enough.
The second incident regards networking through technology and relates right back to the discussions people were having about Facebook privacy and reputation during the communication technology part of the module.
The show here in Malaysia has been heavily marketed and as part of that fifty bloggers were invited to a promotional event to advertise the show. The marketing team believed that inviting the bloggers was one of the quickest and cheapest ways to advertise the show. They said that if the bloggers liked it and blogged about it then it would "go viral". An interesting idea in relation to this course.
Since the event I have had at least ten bloggers request to be my friend on Facebook and now, since the show opened, I have even had members of the audience request me. My initial reaction was to deny the requests. I absolutely did not want these random people knowing things about my life. Then I thought about it again in relation to professional networks. One network I had not thought at all about until now is the one between me and my audience (not meaning to sound starry). In relation to this show and its marketing it would be advantageous for me to accept these people because it promotes my work to them and then through them to an even wider network.
A few months ago people were talking about creating a totally separate Facebook page for work. At the time I didn't feel this was necessary because I considered the majority of my colleagues and work connections to be friends as well, perhaps because of the intimate nature of what we do. Suddenly. however, I found myself in a situation where there were people who I wanted to accept but who I didn't want to know all about me or see everything on my page. I was still unsure about creating a whole new account though. I couldn't see how to easily do it because my stage and real name are the same. Also how do you move people from one account another or tell them you will only accept their friend request in a separate account without offending them?
It was then that one of the dancers in 'Peter Pan' explained to me that you can put 'friends' you have accepted on Facebook into different folders and then control what the people in that folder see. This was the perfect solution to my problem. It took me quite a long time to figure out but I have now created a folder within my current Facebook profile entitled 'work'. I have arranged it so that people I put in this folder can only see carefully selected professional photos and a short biography. They also have the ability to send me a message but they cannot see or write on my wall nor can they see any photos I am tagged in by other people.
Although I had thought about taking control of my reputation with regards to web based technologies it is only now that I feel I have started to implement these thoughts and decide who I want to see what. In doing so I am presenting a self controlled, professional image to these bloggers and audience members that is totally separate from my personal life. I am going to continue to create new folders within my Facebook account because I really like feeling in charge of the image I present to others.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Current Networks
Unfortunately I missed the campus session because I am in Kuala Lumpur and so I have found it quite difficult to move on to the networked professional section of the module. After reading the instructions for the first task I realised that my awareness of my own networking was very poor. I wasn't even sure exactly what was meant by a professional network so I really didn't know where to begin. I then considered what I discovered about the way I learn in the last part of the module. It has become clear to me that I begin to learn best when I am able to view someone else doing it first and then have chance to reflect and think about what they have said. This self awareness at least gave me a starting point. I needed to read the blogs of people who had attended the campus session. They also needed to be people who I knew to be reliable and conscientious in their work. The first person that sprung to mind was Natalie, and I was right to think of her because she has written a really clear account of what happened at the campus session in her blog entitled 'The Networked Professional-campus session 10/11/10'. I also read Joanna's blog entitled 'The Networked Professional' which proved to be equally useful.
At the beginning of their blogs Natalie and Joanna mention that at the campus session Alan asked everyone to draw a 'mind map' of their current professional networks. I thought that this sounded like a good way to discover my current understanding of how I interact professionally. This is the first thing I drew (I don't have a scanner out here so it's just a photograph).
The first thing I thought about was the different ways I network. There seems to me to be two distinct types of networking that I engage in.
The first is face to face networking. This could be meeting with friends and colleagues either for coffee, at parties, or various shows etc. (I believe it can be very helpful in musical theatre to be seen at certain events. It reminds people who you are and that you are still involved in the business). It might be auditioning for directors and casting directors. Working in the industry is also a way I network face to face. So much of my new work comes as a result of working with people in the past. Also attending singing, acting and dance classes connects me with peers and more experienced professionals who may be in a position to help me.
The second is networking using different technologies. We have all talked a lot about web 2.0 on this course and how much we are starting to use it professionally. Our blogs are a great example of this. They are how we all keep in contact with each other on this course. I am in Malaysia but I am able to be involved in this learning network because of technology. Another example of this is Facebook. I am friends with so many people who I have previously worked with on Facebook. I would probably have lost contact with some of these people by now if this technology wasn't available. It is a tool that enables me to maintain a connection with people even if they are not at the forefront of my current work. Email is another example of a technology I use regularly for professional networking. I use it to keep open the lines of communication with my agent. I have emailed casting directors directly just to remind them of me, thank them for an audition, or ask them to see me for something. I have also emailed directors and choreographers I have worked with to congratulate them if I have seen other bodies of work they have created (I think this is a very good way of gently reminding someone who you are and it doesn't hurt that you are massaging their ego slightly at the same time). I also wrote down the Equity and Spotlight websites. These are both technologies that allow me to be connected to a wider group of theatre professionals, people that I might not know directly but who share common professional interests with me. Reflecting on my last sentence I believe technology is so important when it comes to professional networking because it connects us to a much wider group of people who we would not otherwise have the chance of contact with. It broadens our outlook and links us into communities of people with common interests.
The next thing I wrote on my 'mind map' was inspired by Joanna's blog. She writes, "The concept revolves around the idea that there are people who you receive from (mentor types), those you give to and those you equally give to and receive from (close friends who you can encourage)" (Adeyinka, 2010). I found this idea really interesting and so put my current networks into theses categories. At the moment it seems to me that the smallest group is those that I solely give to. I don't think this implies that I am an ungiving or selfish person, I think it is more about the stage you are at in your career. As you become older and more experienced you find you have more to give to people and I imagine you also find that people are more interested in receiving from you.
I decided to draw another mind map trying to show the connections between myself and different areas of my professional network. I also tried to show how these various areas are in turn connected with each other. The arrows show the way in which the information/knowledge/advice flows. For example the arrow goes from myself to the people I teach because I currently give my knowledge to them, whereas the arrow comes from Spotlight/Equity because those sights supply me with information. In some places the arrows point in both directions (for example between myself and my colleagues) because we mutually give and take.
At the beginning of their blogs Natalie and Joanna mention that at the campus session Alan asked everyone to draw a 'mind map' of their current professional networks. I thought that this sounded like a good way to discover my current understanding of how I interact professionally. This is the first thing I drew (I don't have a scanner out here so it's just a photograph).
The first thing I thought about was the different ways I network. There seems to me to be two distinct types of networking that I engage in.
The first is face to face networking. This could be meeting with friends and colleagues either for coffee, at parties, or various shows etc. (I believe it can be very helpful in musical theatre to be seen at certain events. It reminds people who you are and that you are still involved in the business). It might be auditioning for directors and casting directors. Working in the industry is also a way I network face to face. So much of my new work comes as a result of working with people in the past. Also attending singing, acting and dance classes connects me with peers and more experienced professionals who may be in a position to help me.
The second is networking using different technologies. We have all talked a lot about web 2.0 on this course and how much we are starting to use it professionally. Our blogs are a great example of this. They are how we all keep in contact with each other on this course. I am in Malaysia but I am able to be involved in this learning network because of technology. Another example of this is Facebook. I am friends with so many people who I have previously worked with on Facebook. I would probably have lost contact with some of these people by now if this technology wasn't available. It is a tool that enables me to maintain a connection with people even if they are not at the forefront of my current work. Email is another example of a technology I use regularly for professional networking. I use it to keep open the lines of communication with my agent. I have emailed casting directors directly just to remind them of me, thank them for an audition, or ask them to see me for something. I have also emailed directors and choreographers I have worked with to congratulate them if I have seen other bodies of work they have created (I think this is a very good way of gently reminding someone who you are and it doesn't hurt that you are massaging their ego slightly at the same time). I also wrote down the Equity and Spotlight websites. These are both technologies that allow me to be connected to a wider group of theatre professionals, people that I might not know directly but who share common professional interests with me. Reflecting on my last sentence I believe technology is so important when it comes to professional networking because it connects us to a much wider group of people who we would not otherwise have the chance of contact with. It broadens our outlook and links us into communities of people with common interests.
The next thing I wrote on my 'mind map' was inspired by Joanna's blog. She writes, "The concept revolves around the idea that there are people who you receive from (mentor types), those you give to and those you equally give to and receive from (close friends who you can encourage)" (Adeyinka, 2010). I found this idea really interesting and so put my current networks into theses categories. At the moment it seems to me that the smallest group is those that I solely give to. I don't think this implies that I am an ungiving or selfish person, I think it is more about the stage you are at in your career. As you become older and more experienced you find you have more to give to people and I imagine you also find that people are more interested in receiving from you.
I decided to draw another mind map trying to show the connections between myself and different areas of my professional network. I also tried to show how these various areas are in turn connected with each other. The arrows show the way in which the information/knowledge/advice flows. For example the arrow goes from myself to the people I teach because I currently give my knowledge to them, whereas the arrow comes from Spotlight/Equity because those sights supply me with information. In some places the arrows point in both directions (for example between myself and my colleagues) because we mutually give and take.
Something that both Natalie and Joanna talked about which this map doesn't take into account is the varying importance of these different networks. I thought about drawing it again with the more important networks closer to me in the centre and the less important ones further away, however the map became rather complicated.
It is interesting considering which of my networks are the most beneficial. Initially I would have imagined that my most important and beneficial relationships were with my agent and various casting directors because this is where the majority of my work comes from. However, through reading people's blogs and by starting the course reader on the networked professional I have started to understand the importance of my relationships with my peers. Relationships that involve mutual favours and cooperation, or 'tit for tat' as Robert Axlerod calls it (Axelrod, 1984).
I have seen the fruits of these kinds of relationships in the past. I once did a recording session for a friend of mine who had written a new musical and needed someone who could sound young. Thinking about this critically I had several reasons for helping. Firstly they were a friend and they asked me and I like doing things for friends. Secondly I relished the chance at recording something in a studio because I thought it would be a really good experience. Thirdly (and I feel slightly ashamed to admit this) I thought that perhaps in the future when I needed a favour they would owe me one. As it happens six months after I recorded for him an audition came up where I wasn't able to make my recall, luckily my friend was the MD and I got the job anyway. I'm not saying that I got the job just because I did some recording for him (I think it's more complicated than that) but I do think that by doing the recording I somehow solidified our relationship with each other.
Another interesting thing about the example I just used is that before we were friends we were colleagues, and more than that he was the MD on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang my first big show. In other words he was in a position of power over me. However through cultivating our personal relationship as previously described I would now consider our relationship to be much more equal. I think this demonstrates that networks are transitional or 'seasonal' as Alan describes it. It is possible to shape your relationship with someone so that they don't always remain in the same group.
I think this idea of 'seasonal' networks is crucial because it highlights the importance of maintaining relationships with people. Someone you've met, worked with, or even taught may not currently be of crucial importance to your professional advancement but that's not to say that they won't be in six months or a year, or even five years. There are now so many tools (like Facebook as I have previously mentioned) that allow us to maintain relationships with large numbers of people for a time when they may become of more importance to us.
I have a friend who is a director and she writes down in a book the name of every single person in the industry that she meets. She makes notes on who they are, what they have done, where/when/why she met them and even what they talked about so that if ever the time arises when she meets them again she can immediately reestablish the connection. I think is a really commendable practice and I would love to do something similar but have always found that I don't have the discipline. Perhaps I will try it again.
These are obviously only my initial thoughts about professional networks and I will blog more as I continue to think about it. There is one more thing that I want to say however. I personally find it very difficult to network because I don't like being seen as pushy and I don't like to think that people would think I was taking advantage of them. I also don't like to recommend myself to people because if I do and then they don't think I am any good it is embarrassing. I know this is down to low self confidence but it is difficult to know what to do about it. I have seen people in this industry who can talk to anyone and as a result have found themselves in the most wonderful jobs. I don't know whether this is an ability you just have or whether it is something you learn, or whether it is perhaps something you just have to force yourself to do but I would be interested to find out. It is perhaps also interesting to note that when it comes to teaching I am much more able to recommend myself than when it comes to performing. I don't know why this is. Perhaps it is because teaching is not as personal as performing. When you recommend yourself as a performer you are judged on everything about yourself from your hair colour to the sound of your voice and it therefore so much harder when you are rejected.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Just A Thought
In my blog 'Reflection IN and ON Action' I questioned whether it was advisable to reflect-in-action whilst acting. I thought that becoming too conscious and deliberate in your reflection in this instance might be detrimental to the character you were trying to create. Since writing the blog I have been thinking about the issue a lot and in light of a recent experience I have had I think my opinion has changed slightly or at least is now more fully formed.
When I was talking about 'acting' I had a very narrow concept of what that entailed. In my mind I was talking about traditional theatre where you are creating an environment and a character which an audience views through the imaginary fourth wall. The aim of the production would be to communicate a story and therefore the actor's intention would be to portray as truthful and emotionally accurate character as possible. In this situation I still believe it would be a mistake to analyse your performance whilst you were in it. I think it would lead to a very contrived performance. In viewing acting in this way I did however make a very large oversight. I assumed that all acting was the same and that all theatre had the same intention. I have learnt recently that this is not the case.
Whilst participating in my friend Helen's devised/improvised performance (I blogged about this as my journal writing experience) I was introduced to a totally new style of theatre. It was collaborative theatre that is designed to test the boundaries between performer and audience. It is not scripted but fluid and in its very nature requires interaction to be at its most successful. Much like a 'real life' example web 2.0 (a concept I have mentioned before when describing the 'Move' exhibition at the Hayward Gallery). In becoming aware of this style of theatre i also became aware that as an actor in the middle of it different rules apply. Suddenly for from being detrimental reflection-in-action becomes essential. If during a performance you approach and audience member and start an improvisation with them you can't rely on anything pre-planned and you can't reflect after the event because it's too late. You have to consciously reflect in the moment and adjust your performance to match what the audience member gives you. It will be different every time so you have to be one hundred percent alert if you want to be effective.
It is so interesting for me to discover this. Even at the time I was doing it I didn't really realise what I was doing but after my journal writing experience and another week to think over things the thought has finally come to me. Different types of theatre require different things from an actor. It is of the upmost importance to establish what the aim of the piece you are performing in is so that you can adapt yourself to what is required.
When I was talking about 'acting' I had a very narrow concept of what that entailed. In my mind I was talking about traditional theatre where you are creating an environment and a character which an audience views through the imaginary fourth wall. The aim of the production would be to communicate a story and therefore the actor's intention would be to portray as truthful and emotionally accurate character as possible. In this situation I still believe it would be a mistake to analyse your performance whilst you were in it. I think it would lead to a very contrived performance. In viewing acting in this way I did however make a very large oversight. I assumed that all acting was the same and that all theatre had the same intention. I have learnt recently that this is not the case.
Whilst participating in my friend Helen's devised/improvised performance (I blogged about this as my journal writing experience) I was introduced to a totally new style of theatre. It was collaborative theatre that is designed to test the boundaries between performer and audience. It is not scripted but fluid and in its very nature requires interaction to be at its most successful. Much like a 'real life' example web 2.0 (a concept I have mentioned before when describing the 'Move' exhibition at the Hayward Gallery). In becoming aware of this style of theatre i also became aware that as an actor in the middle of it different rules apply. Suddenly for from being detrimental reflection-in-action becomes essential. If during a performance you approach and audience member and start an improvisation with them you can't rely on anything pre-planned and you can't reflect after the event because it's too late. You have to consciously reflect in the moment and adjust your performance to match what the audience member gives you. It will be different every time so you have to be one hundred percent alert if you want to be effective.
It is so interesting for me to discover this. Even at the time I was doing it I didn't really realise what I was doing but after my journal writing experience and another week to think over things the thought has finally come to me. Different types of theatre require different things from an actor. It is of the upmost importance to establish what the aim of the piece you are performing in is so that you can adapt yourself to what is required.
Monday, 15 November 2010
Inquiry
I have been having problems coming up with themes in my work that I might pursue as lines of inquiry. I have decided to blog my answers to the questions in the inquiry section of the handbook and see if by the end of this blog any ideas have emerged. I hope they have, otherwise I am stuck.
What in your daily practice gets you really enthusiastic to find out more about?
I really enjoy finding out about different shows, either by watching them, listening to them, or even reading about. I like learning about the history of musical theatre and how it evolved to its current incarnation. I'm also interested in past performers. Who they were, where they came from, what influenced them and how they affected the bigger picture of musical theatre.
I'm interested in learning about different styles of theatre. Being involved in the devised/improvised performance at Central opened my eyes to ways of performing that I was not previously versed in. In tandem with this I would like to find out more about different acting techniques. During my a-levels I did a lot of work on the techniques of Brecht (1898-1956) and Stanislavski (1863-1938) but there are many other practitioners I would like to know about. I hear people talking about Meisner technique a lot but know very little about it.
What gets you angry or makes you sad? Who do you admire, who shares your feelings or has found a way to work around the sadness or anger?
The main thing that makes me sad professionally is not working. It is a constant struggle to fight for your place in the industry and sometimes it feels too hard. I hate that when you are doing really well auditioning for a show and then you don't get it you feel as if you are right back at square one. There is not promotion like you find in regular jobs.
It makes me angry that musical theatre performers are looked down upon in the industry. They are not considered singers by singers, dancers by dancers, or actors by actors. It is a very difficult skill to perform musical theatre well and I don't think it is fully appreciated. Having said that I think there are a lot of terrible musical theatre performers who continue to get jobs and give musical theatre a bad name.
This reminds me of something else that makes me angry, casting directors. The same people seem to get all the jobs and I don't believe it is because they are always the most talented. I believe (and I have to be careful and diplomatic here because this is a public blog and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot) it is because it is easier for casting directors to call in the people they already know. Some west end jobs are like closed shops. You can't even get a look in if you haven't already done a west end show. It's a catch 22 situation.
I believe that a lot of performers feel like this and it's for this exact reason that recently many of my friends have decided to give up the business. I am always inspired by performers who manage to continue performing and not become bitter. It really interests me to see how they do it. Someone I particularly admire is a friend of mine Matt Firth. Matt trained with me at Arts Ed, did several West End shows and then got fed up of being viewed just as an ensemble dancer. He tried extremely hard to break into lead roles and straight plays but people's perception of him was that he was a dancer (even though he is actually a very capable actor). In the end he decided he had had enough of trawling around auditions trying to convince people he was good. So he set up his own company called The Sound Of Entertainment. The company performs different tribute acts all around the country and as well as starring in them Matt also directs and choreographs them. He now has control over his career, never has to audition again, but still gets to perform. I sometimes work for him in The High School Show and I love it. I don't think owning my own company is something I would actually want to do but I love the idea that he created his own destiny and he is in control of it.
What do you love about what you do? Who do you admire who also seems to love this or is an example of what you love?
I love performing. I do love dancing but I am happiest when I am acting and particularly acting through song. I love the theatre generally. Everything about it from the lights, to the costumes, to the smell. A theatre is such and exciting place to work and it always has such a wonderful atmosphere. I also love that theatre can be so powerful. I was really young when I realised that theatre had the potential to impact people's lives in such positive ways. I love going to see an amazing piece of theatre. It can totally change the way you think and even the way you live your life and it is so inspiring to learn from watching and analysing a really talented performer.
Two performances I can think of that have recently had huge impacts on me, both because of the wonderful performances and the wonderful writing, are 'Holding The Man' at the Trafalgar Studios and The Donmar Warehouse's concert version of their 2000 production of Sondheim's 'Merrily We Roll Along'.
One of the reasons I love Stephen Sondheim is because he combines stunningly written music with complicated characterisations in his musicals. The story is always the most important thing and if a song doesn't improve on the story in some way then he doesn't write it. Because I love musicals so much but also love straight theatre I always find that Sondheim delivers the perfect balance of the two. His shows also seem to attract the highest level of talent in musical theatre and I would love to appear in one.
A particular example of someone who has performed in a lot of Sondheim shows and who I hugely admire is Anna Francolini. She was in the production of 'Merrily' that I saw recently and her performance was astounding. She has also recently received rave reviews for her performance as Maria Callas in 'Onassis' at the Novello Theatre opposite Robert Lindsey. The reason I admire Anna so much is because she started as an ensemble member in "Oliver!' at the London Palladium (the same production I was in as a child) but has managed to move into lead roles in some amazing productions. It is particularly important to me that she has managed to perform in both plays and musicals, meaning it is possible for a performer to do this if they are hardworking, talented, and well connected enough.
I also love to teach my ballet class on a Wednesday. I love watching the class improve and I also love the fact that because the class is for adults there is a really high level of commitment. Everyone has made the choice to be there and so everyone puts in a hundred and ten percent. Ultimately I would love to able to teach on a vocational course and help people who want a career in the performing arts to achieve the most they can. I really admire Chris Hocking who is the head of musical theatre at Arts Ed London. He started as a performer before getting his MA in dance and becoming a teacher and then head of course. I loved my time at college and love the training environment. It is so full of hope and expectation and I really think I have something to add to that.
I haven't written my answers to the last two questions because I couldn't think of anything valuable to say at this moment so I guess I have to look back over what I have written so far to see what the overriding themes are and what a line of inquiry might be for me.
What stands out for me is that I love theatre and particularly musicals that require strong actors. I think that acting is the most important thing in a musical, above singing and dancing. I consider myself to be a strong actor but feel I am perceived as a dancer because of my training and past credits. I am interested in acting techniques and acting through song and I am also interested in teaching on a vocational course at some point in my career. I believe that musical theatre performers are often perceived to be average when it comes to acting. I am also aware that there are some musical theatre performers who have managed to break out of this type casting and prove that they are as capable if not more so than their straight acting counter parts.
I would be extremely interested to look into why musical theatre performers find it difficult to be considered credible actors. Is this actually true? If so is it justified? Does it have something to do with the quality and depth of acting training on musical theatre courses compared to acting courses? I think this line of inquiry will tie together my love of performing and my desire to continue in that field with my interest in acting techniques and vocational teaching. Hopefully it could give me insights into being a better performer and a better teacher.
What in your daily practice gets you really enthusiastic to find out more about?
I really enjoy finding out about different shows, either by watching them, listening to them, or even reading about. I like learning about the history of musical theatre and how it evolved to its current incarnation. I'm also interested in past performers. Who they were, where they came from, what influenced them and how they affected the bigger picture of musical theatre.
I'm interested in learning about different styles of theatre. Being involved in the devised/improvised performance at Central opened my eyes to ways of performing that I was not previously versed in. In tandem with this I would like to find out more about different acting techniques. During my a-levels I did a lot of work on the techniques of Brecht (1898-1956) and Stanislavski (1863-1938) but there are many other practitioners I would like to know about. I hear people talking about Meisner technique a lot but know very little about it.
What gets you angry or makes you sad? Who do you admire, who shares your feelings or has found a way to work around the sadness or anger?
The main thing that makes me sad professionally is not working. It is a constant struggle to fight for your place in the industry and sometimes it feels too hard. I hate that when you are doing really well auditioning for a show and then you don't get it you feel as if you are right back at square one. There is not promotion like you find in regular jobs.
It makes me angry that musical theatre performers are looked down upon in the industry. They are not considered singers by singers, dancers by dancers, or actors by actors. It is a very difficult skill to perform musical theatre well and I don't think it is fully appreciated. Having said that I think there are a lot of terrible musical theatre performers who continue to get jobs and give musical theatre a bad name.
This reminds me of something else that makes me angry, casting directors. The same people seem to get all the jobs and I don't believe it is because they are always the most talented. I believe (and I have to be careful and diplomatic here because this is a public blog and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot) it is because it is easier for casting directors to call in the people they already know. Some west end jobs are like closed shops. You can't even get a look in if you haven't already done a west end show. It's a catch 22 situation.
I believe that a lot of performers feel like this and it's for this exact reason that recently many of my friends have decided to give up the business. I am always inspired by performers who manage to continue performing and not become bitter. It really interests me to see how they do it. Someone I particularly admire is a friend of mine Matt Firth. Matt trained with me at Arts Ed, did several West End shows and then got fed up of being viewed just as an ensemble dancer. He tried extremely hard to break into lead roles and straight plays but people's perception of him was that he was a dancer (even though he is actually a very capable actor). In the end he decided he had had enough of trawling around auditions trying to convince people he was good. So he set up his own company called The Sound Of Entertainment. The company performs different tribute acts all around the country and as well as starring in them Matt also directs and choreographs them. He now has control over his career, never has to audition again, but still gets to perform. I sometimes work for him in The High School Show and I love it. I don't think owning my own company is something I would actually want to do but I love the idea that he created his own destiny and he is in control of it.
What do you love about what you do? Who do you admire who also seems to love this or is an example of what you love?
I love performing. I do love dancing but I am happiest when I am acting and particularly acting through song. I love the theatre generally. Everything about it from the lights, to the costumes, to the smell. A theatre is such and exciting place to work and it always has such a wonderful atmosphere. I also love that theatre can be so powerful. I was really young when I realised that theatre had the potential to impact people's lives in such positive ways. I love going to see an amazing piece of theatre. It can totally change the way you think and even the way you live your life and it is so inspiring to learn from watching and analysing a really talented performer.
Two performances I can think of that have recently had huge impacts on me, both because of the wonderful performances and the wonderful writing, are 'Holding The Man' at the Trafalgar Studios and The Donmar Warehouse's concert version of their 2000 production of Sondheim's 'Merrily We Roll Along'.
One of the reasons I love Stephen Sondheim is because he combines stunningly written music with complicated characterisations in his musicals. The story is always the most important thing and if a song doesn't improve on the story in some way then he doesn't write it. Because I love musicals so much but also love straight theatre I always find that Sondheim delivers the perfect balance of the two. His shows also seem to attract the highest level of talent in musical theatre and I would love to appear in one.
A particular example of someone who has performed in a lot of Sondheim shows and who I hugely admire is Anna Francolini. She was in the production of 'Merrily' that I saw recently and her performance was astounding. She has also recently received rave reviews for her performance as Maria Callas in 'Onassis' at the Novello Theatre opposite Robert Lindsey. The reason I admire Anna so much is because she started as an ensemble member in "Oliver!' at the London Palladium (the same production I was in as a child) but has managed to move into lead roles in some amazing productions. It is particularly important to me that she has managed to perform in both plays and musicals, meaning it is possible for a performer to do this if they are hardworking, talented, and well connected enough.
 |
| Anna Francolini in 'The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie' www.telegraph.co.uk |
I haven't written my answers to the last two questions because I couldn't think of anything valuable to say at this moment so I guess I have to look back over what I have written so far to see what the overriding themes are and what a line of inquiry might be for me.
What stands out for me is that I love theatre and particularly musicals that require strong actors. I think that acting is the most important thing in a musical, above singing and dancing. I consider myself to be a strong actor but feel I am perceived as a dancer because of my training and past credits. I am interested in acting techniques and acting through song and I am also interested in teaching on a vocational course at some point in my career. I believe that musical theatre performers are often perceived to be average when it comes to acting. I am also aware that there are some musical theatre performers who have managed to break out of this type casting and prove that they are as capable if not more so than their straight acting counter parts.
I would be extremely interested to look into why musical theatre performers find it difficult to be considered credible actors. Is this actually true? If so is it justified? Does it have something to do with the quality and depth of acting training on musical theatre courses compared to acting courses? I think this line of inquiry will tie together my love of performing and my desire to continue in that field with my interest in acting techniques and vocational teaching. Hopefully it could give me insights into being a better performer and a better teacher.
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Journal Writing Experience
Last weekend before I left for Kuala Lumpur I finally managed to do the journal writing experience based on the frameworks of Reid and Moon. I know I’m a little late but I haven’t had a chance to do a post on it until now and it’s time I caught up.
I had spent a long time wondering what event I wanted to journal about and then an amazing experience presented itself to me. A really good friend of mine who I have worked with before and who is completely inspiring is doing her PhD at Central School of Speech and Drama. Her PhD is based around interactive theatre and she asked me if I would help her out by being involved in two part devised, part improvised performances in front of Central staff, other PhD students and a paying audience. At first the idea made me feel physically sick because it was so far removed from what I usually do or what I know myself to be good at. However, I decided to do it because I am always saying I want to do more acting and this was the perfect opportunity. I then thought what better thing to journal about because it was such a new experience for me. So I did.
The first thing that I want to say is that I have never written so much in a journal in my life!! What a wordy experience. Having said that I found some of the sections more useful than others so probably wouldn’t use all of them in the future.
The section that I found most useful was ‘Initial Reflection’ and to honest I wasn’t at all surprised by this. I always find it so relevant to describe the way I felt about a situation or event not just what happened. I think it is through doing this that you discover why you do the things you do. For example, then second of the two performances was not as successful for me as the first. I was not as adventurous and my energy levels were lower. I didn’t take the risks that I took in the first performance. Noting these things on there own is informative but not particularly useful because it doesn’t explain why this happened. If I then look into the way I was feeling, things are immediately clarified and it begins to be something a person can learn from. For example, after the first performance I was feeling almost euphoric because it had gone so well. The audience had been so responsive all the way through. At the beginning of the second performance I felt that this audience was much more reserved and judgemental. I felt myself inwardly cringing and retreating. I was continually comparing the two performances in my mind and I felt I was much worse and therefore failing my friend Helen. This made my retreat even more pronounced. Becoming aware of how my feelings impacted my performance was really useful because it means that I can hopefully put things in place to prevent such an extreme reaction in the future.
Another section that I found useful was writing a list. This really surprised me. I started writing the list saying to myself, “How on earth is this going to help. Surely I am only going to write words relating to things that I have already thought about. Nothing new is going to come form this.” How wrong I was. At first I did just write words that had already featured in my initial reflection such as ‘dread’, ‘exhilaration’, ‘retreat’, ‘excited’. Then suddenly I started writing words that seemed to come from nowhere but had such unexpected relevance to the day I’d had. Words such as ‘trust’, ‘power’, ‘right’, ‘wrong’.
These words made me realise things about the day that previously hadn’t occurred to me. The word ‘trust’ made me appreciate how important it is to put your trust in the people you are working with. Trust in the director you have, your fellow actors and yourself. This is something I have known in principle for a long time. For years its been said to me and right back when I was a child at drama classes we used to play trust games where one person would fall back and get caught by the other. However, this experience made me appreciate trust in such a new way. I think because most of the performance was improvised you really needed to have faith that your fellow actors knew where they were taking something and a belief that you were able enough to follow them and take over when necessary. It also became apparent the amount of trust I needed to have in Helen whose concept it was and who partly directed us. It is so lucky it was her piece because there are not many people who I have enough trust in to put myself through such a stressful situation. I will definitely be using the list again because it was such a quick way of unveiling hidden ideas.
In contrast to writing a list I was surprised how little writing form another view helped me. It was an interesting experience and actually quite fun but nothing new came to light. I decided to write from the perspective of one of the audience members coming in to the performance but what I wrote was so informed but my own perceptions of events. I don’t think in this circumstance that I moved away from my own feelings of what happened enough. I think this is a real shame because I really believe (as I have previously said on Stephie’s blog) that it can be so helpful to see something from another perspective. It can help you see why people are acting the way they are and how the way you are behaving has an impact on that. I am definitely going to try writing from other perspectives again because in principle I think it should work. Perhaps I’m just not very good at it yet.
Finally I think writing about the overall themes is a really good way of summarising and giving order to everything you have experienced. After sitting and writing so much about the day (twenty pages to be precise) it was really useful to collate all the information into a meaningful, digestible form. These are some of the things I wrote under the heading of ‘themes’.
“I valued the chance to act and solidifying the idea of the of the importance of trust in a performing environment.”
“I loved the idea that there is no right and wrong when it comes to improvisations within interactive theatre. It is just an evolutionary process. This idea seems to have great relevance to this course. When you improvise you follow different, often unplanned but always insightful paths before you arrive at the end of the performance. In this course we also experiment and go down blind paths but it is part of the learning experience.”
“Next time I would try and not let the outcome of the first performance impact the second. In interactive theatre the audience will always affect the performance but in future I would like to try and stop them from affecting my feelings about myself. I would hopefully be less critical of myself in the moment because it is not useful.”
“It interested me that I felt apologetic for being a musical theatre performer in amongst actors. It makes me cross when musical theatre performers are looked down on, so why did I look down on myself? It is also interesting however, that I noted how much more involved my process was when preparing my character for this acting piece than it ever is when I perform in musical theatre.”
“I am glad I pushed myself. It made me feel really sick at times but I learnt so much from it. You have to go outside of your comfort zone to progress.”
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Poem Challenge
Greetings from Kuala Lumpur! I’ve completed the challenge suggested by Adesola on her blog last week. It you haven’t already tried it give it a go. Hopefully this blog will tell you why.
At first I thought it was going to be horrendous and a big challenge. I know nothing about poetry, nothing about its form and content, and I always felt like it was a bit inaccessible. I was therefore worried that I wouldn’t get much from it. Having said that, I was keen to explore new ways to go about reflection, hoping that a new practice might positively impact the way I reflect and bring new, unexpected things to light.
At first I did find the poem writing difficult. You’ll see that my first poem is very short. I think this was in large to do with my fears of people reading it and thinking it was bad or that I was an idiot. It made me think about what David Boud writes about inhibiting reflection in his chapter in ‘Promoting journal writing in adult education’ (English and Gillen, 2001).
“The expectation of writing for an external audience can profoundly shape what we write and even what we allow ourselves to consider”
I think once I allowed myself to get passed the idea that I would be judged on these poems and realised that I didn’t even have to post them if I didn’t want to, then the whole process became much easier. I’m not a poet. I’m not pretending to be a poet. I am just looking at different ways to examine the experiences of my life to see which is the most effective for me to get meaning out of them.
So the poem writing went from being a tentative chore to something I actually quite looked forward to doing at the end of the day. I noticed that as the week progressed I became much more aware of my day as it was happening, thinking to myself that ‘this moment’ or ‘that moment’ would make a great poem. It made me focus on and remember the details that I would normally let pass me by.
I also enjoyed looking for pictures to go with the poem. It made me think about the theme of the poem. It made me analyse what the overriding emotions were and what I was really saying, and therefore gave the poems even more significance for me.
One thing I noticed about my first few poems was how negative they were. This wasn’t ever my intention but I guess is just where my headspace is at the moment. Becoming aware of this through the poetry then allowed me to make a conscious decision to try and be more positive which I think you will see in poem 4. It was challenging to write this poem because I actually had to force myself to see the positive aspects of the event. This reminded me of an earlier blog of mine on perception where I talked about my negative thoughts about an audition when I was reflecting on it. It made me wonder whether this was just a running theme for me? Do I always focus on the negative first? Is it therefore important for me to consciously focus on the positive events? David Boud writes,
“Feelings experienced as negative may need to be discharged or sublimated; otherwise, they mat continually distort all other perceptions and block understanding. Those experienced as positive can be celebrated, because they enhance the desire to pursue learning”
I don’t think that focusing the negative always blocks understanding. On the contrary, as several people said in their comments on my perception blog we focus on the negative because they are the things that need to be changed and before we can change them we have to notice them. I do think however that only noticing the negative and fixating on it can be extremely detrimental and stop you from gaining as much from the experience as possible.
My last two poems I believe were the most successful. I’m not judging them at all on their quality as poems but on the way they made me think about the experiences they describe. It is very interesting because I wrote these last two poems in the moment. They are perfect examples of reflection-in-action and as such I found that the detail in them is so much stronger. Not only do they capture the event accurately but also the emotions.
I think that one of the best and most rewarding things that writing the poems facilitates is the marrying of what happened with the way you felt about it. They made me much more in touch with my own feelings and really helped me analyse in what felt like a less intrusive way. I would describe poem writing as a gentle form of reflection that reveals deep, unexpected insights.
I won’t be writing a poem every day from now on but I will certainly be using the process again at some point. I start rehearsals for Peter Pan today so I’m looking forward to using this technique to analyse my work, although it should be said that the poems have made me realise that you can draw meaning and significance form the most mundane experience. It is just about how you view it.
Poem 7
Moist heat licks my face,
Hidden by the darkness.
Morning is night and night is upon us.
I’ll have breakfast, then dinner, then sleep before lunch.
There’s food in the air, and sweat, and fumes.
It greets me, welcomes me, alienates me.
My shoes trace the new cobbled path.
It moves! No wait it’s only a snake.
I lay beneath the hum of the fan,
Next to a photo that’s stolen my heart.
Poem 6
 |
| 'Alone and So Lonely' http://g8.no/index.php?showimage=42 |
I wait.
Strip lights flicker high overhead.
Grey lights on a grey tiled floor.
Shoes echo, wheels rattle, someone coughs.
Distant voices,
As far away as the comfort they bring.
I pace up and down and then up again,
Trying to ignore the pain in my chest,
The dread rubbing the pit of my stomach,
The worry probing the back of my mind.
I wait.
I wait alone for it all to start.
Willing my self to be braver than I am.
Forcing myself to look forward not back.
Not too far forward.
Don’t miss the moment, don’t wish it away.
I slow my breath and rub my belly.
I swallow away the lump in my throat.
My neck aches, my eyes sting,
With the skin tight from the now dried tears.
I wait.
I eye the clock.
I practice the face I’ll use when it starts.
Preparing myself for the energy it takes.
All I want is the taste of Peach.
It’s nearly time but for now I wait.
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Poem 5
Remember, remember.
Taste the food,
Remember, remember.
See the light
Remember, remember.
Hear the bang,
Remember, remember.
Smell the smoke,
Remember, remember.
Laughter, friends, mirth, wine.
A night to celebrate the death of a man.
Enjoy your drink.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Tacit Knowledge
In one of my earlier blogs about reflection IN and ON action I mentioned an 'awareness' that I believe performers develop and use whilst on stage. With the help of Adesola's reader (Akinleye, 2010) and the work of Michael Polanyi (Polanyi, 1966) I suggested that this might be a form of tacit knowledge because I found it difficult to communicate the idea with words alone. Adesola says,
"In terms of this reflective reader Polanyi's statement raises two important points. The importance of articulation of reflective practice and the importance to have a variety of ways to support reflection"I therefore wanted to look further at this tacit knowledge to see if I could understand it more fully and use it more effectively. By definition it can't be communicated by words so I began to wonder how I could demonstrate what I meant by a performer's 'awareness'. The following two videos are acting exercises that I have used in many different situations over the years.
The first is where you get a group of performers to close there eyes and try and all clap at the same time. I asked my flat mates to help me. At first we don't clap in time at all but the more we concentrate and try and tune into each others rhythms, the better we get. Here is the link.
Both these exercises are used by performers to improve their ability to tune in to their fellow actors. I think they also demonstrate effectively the type of awareness I am talking about on stage. I think the fact that these exercises were invented (as well as many others that are similar) must mean that performers have always tried to comprehend and harness this 'awareness'. Initially I was dubious as to whether becoming consciously aware of a tacit knowledge would make it lose it innate usefulness. However, after considering these exercises and understanding the reason they were created I now think that having a more studied comprehension of your skills means you can utilise them more effectively.
In the chapter by David Boud from 'Promoting journal writing in adult education' (English and Gillen, 2001) he writes,
"In developing expertise of any kind, it is often helpful to become more deliberate and conscious of the process and more aware of the decisions being made by others and ourselves."
Poem 4
Rolling, tumbling purples and mauves,Dotted with flecks of white, like troves
Of treasure. Miles above they whirl.
Amethyst mountains broken by pearl.
Then majesty fattens and bloats like bruises.
Painfully straining, until it loses
Its charm and allure. Oppressive now,
To witness the element's hellish row.
Swollen, ready to spill its grief,
Tears of gods bring welcome relief
To the burdened sky. Downing its load
On the little red car on the grey tarmac road.
Spotlights pierce the darkened view.
Clarity bursts revealing the blue
Forgotten backdrops, towards which I'm driving.
A heavenly metaphor to continue striving.
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Poem 3
I lay very still in a self made box,
Incapacitated by possibilities,
Restrained, overwhelmed.
I reinforce walls with nails of 'what ifs',
See the fall of the hammer
In my disembodied hand.
All that is needed to lift off the lid
Is to actually, physically
Lift off the lid.
But inside the box I lay very still,
My very own Hamlet,
Unable to act.
Incapacitated by possibilities,
Restrained, overwhelmed.I reinforce walls with nails of 'what ifs',
See the fall of the hammer
In my disembodied hand.
All that is needed to lift off the lid
Is to actually, physically
Lift off the lid.
But inside the box I lay very still,
My very own Hamlet,
Unable to act.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Poem 2
 |
| 'With Closed Eyes' by Marina Povalishina http://www.maraart.com/ |
I close my eyes and inwardly dance.
I close my eyes and talk with unknown voices,
Walk with unknown bodies,
Move with unknown rhythms.
I close my eyes to help me see.
Poem 1
 |
| 'Untitled 509' by Francoise Nielly http://www.francoise-nielly.com/ |
Smiling with a furrowed brow,
A heavy heart, disguise, conceal.
Look hard for silver linings now,
Ignore, avoid the truth you feel.
Monday, 1 November 2010
Move: Choreographing You at Hayward Gallery
There is exhibition on at the Hayward Gallery at the moment called 'Move: Choreographing You' which I thought looked really interesting. The exhibition explores the relationship between dance and visual arts which I thought was quite interesting in light of my previous blog about drawing. It seems to be in large about breaking the barriers between creators and participants which I also thought was strangely relevant to this course and all the work we did on web 2.0. It is like 'real life' web 2.0. Unfortunately I won't actually get a chance to go to the exhibition before I leave for Kuala Lumpur but I thought some of you might like to go.
Drawing
I recently read Paula's blog 'Drawing for Reflective Practice' and it inspired me to try and use my journal in a different way. Paula writes "In the visual arts a journal uses visual language and drawn images to relate to thinking through a problem." I commented on her blog saying that I am generally very comfortable with words so don't often use other mediums to work through ideas but that I thought I ought to try it.
Initially it proved to be completely baffling. Not only am I incompetent at drawing but the minute I tried every single thing that I've been thinking about recently seemed to disappear from my mind. When I use words they flow so naturally that an idea progresses really quickly in my mind. Drawing seemed to be having the opposite effect.
This seemed really odd to me because I vividly remember that when I was younger and couldn't verbally explain something properly to someone I would draw a picture for him or her instead. Not only would this clarify what I meant but it would also solidify the idea in my mind and then allow me to talk someone around the drawing. I used to do this all the time so why did I seem to have lost the skill? Had I become too good at using words and therefore neglected other areas, losing the ability?
I then started to think about the way I learn. A lot of my thinking is based in this area at the moment because of the work we are doing in conjunction with the reader. In particular I was thinking about the work of Howard Gardner (Gardner, 1983, 2005) and his idea that people are 'Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic learners (VAK).' I believe I am primarily a visual learner. If someone is explaining something to me I need to see it. I can't just listen. I need there to be something for me to look at, be it words or pictures. Even when dancing, where I am sure I do learn a lot kinaesthetically, I initially watch to get an idea of what I am supposed to be doing and how it is supposed to look before I try it myself.
I then used this knowledge of how I learn to think about how I communicate with other people generally. With that came a realisation that actually nothing has changed from when I was younger. I still find it much easier to communicate in a visual way. Either by writing (as I show regularly in my blog), demonstrating (as I would when teaching a dance class) or using diagrams (as I do sometimes when explaining complicated blocking for routines I have choreographed).
I wanted to include a couple of specific examples of when I thought I had communicated well and when I hadn't and the two campus sessions provided perfect examples of this. In the first session we had to do a verbal presentation to the group and then talk about it shortly on camera. I found this extremely challenging and quite often found myself lost in my own ideas having no clear idea of what I thought. In contrast, during the second session we had to do non-verbal tours using written words, pictures and demonstrations to get across our point. I found this really enjoyable because it gave me time to work out what I wanted to say. I felt I could collect and organise my ideas into an intelligible format before having to express them.
What was my conclusion from this discovery? Perhaps there isn't as much of a difference between writing and drawing as I initially thought. Perhaps they are just different forms of visual communication, which is something I feel I am good at. With this in mind I returned to drawing with a less timid attitude and drew some pictures around the way I feel about different sorts of learning and the way I learn in particular. I'm not going to post any of those drawings now because they are truly rubbish but really that's not the point. I am starting to use them to clarify what and why I think things. If any significant drawing comes up I'll post it to show what I mean.
Initially it proved to be completely baffling. Not only am I incompetent at drawing but the minute I tried every single thing that I've been thinking about recently seemed to disappear from my mind. When I use words they flow so naturally that an idea progresses really quickly in my mind. Drawing seemed to be having the opposite effect.
This seemed really odd to me because I vividly remember that when I was younger and couldn't verbally explain something properly to someone I would draw a picture for him or her instead. Not only would this clarify what I meant but it would also solidify the idea in my mind and then allow me to talk someone around the drawing. I used to do this all the time so why did I seem to have lost the skill? Had I become too good at using words and therefore neglected other areas, losing the ability?
I then started to think about the way I learn. A lot of my thinking is based in this area at the moment because of the work we are doing in conjunction with the reader. In particular I was thinking about the work of Howard Gardner (Gardner, 1983, 2005) and his idea that people are 'Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic learners (VAK).' I believe I am primarily a visual learner. If someone is explaining something to me I need to see it. I can't just listen. I need there to be something for me to look at, be it words or pictures. Even when dancing, where I am sure I do learn a lot kinaesthetically, I initially watch to get an idea of what I am supposed to be doing and how it is supposed to look before I try it myself.
I then used this knowledge of how I learn to think about how I communicate with other people generally. With that came a realisation that actually nothing has changed from when I was younger. I still find it much easier to communicate in a visual way. Either by writing (as I show regularly in my blog), demonstrating (as I would when teaching a dance class) or using diagrams (as I do sometimes when explaining complicated blocking for routines I have choreographed).
I wanted to include a couple of specific examples of when I thought I had communicated well and when I hadn't and the two campus sessions provided perfect examples of this. In the first session we had to do a verbal presentation to the group and then talk about it shortly on camera. I found this extremely challenging and quite often found myself lost in my own ideas having no clear idea of what I thought. In contrast, during the second session we had to do non-verbal tours using written words, pictures and demonstrations to get across our point. I found this really enjoyable because it gave me time to work out what I wanted to say. I felt I could collect and organise my ideas into an intelligible format before having to express them.
What was my conclusion from this discovery? Perhaps there isn't as much of a difference between writing and drawing as I initially thought. Perhaps they are just different forms of visual communication, which is something I feel I am good at. With this in mind I returned to drawing with a less timid attitude and drew some pictures around the way I feel about different sorts of learning and the way I learn in particular. I'm not going to post any of those drawings now because they are truly rubbish but really that's not the point. I am starting to use them to clarify what and why I think things. If any significant drawing comes up I'll post it to show what I mean.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Perception.
I had my recall for Shrek on Thursday and it raised some interesting points for me with regards to reflection.
After the audition I decided to use my journal to reflect on how I thought the audition had gone and how it could have improved. Here is an extract from the journal;
So what's my point? Well the next day I received a phone call from my agent saying I have to go back in next week for another audition. Stunned silence on the end of the line (and then perhaps a swear word or two). Apparently the audition hadn't gone as badly as I had thought.
It was this realisation that started me on my current train of thought. If the audition went well enough for me to be recalled again then why was my reflection on it so negative? I decided it was all to do with my perception and this was informed by much more than the event itself. I perceived that the audition panel thought I was untalented, that I had failed to impress them and that the other people there on the day were much more talented and suitable for then job than me. These perceived truths were created not just from the audition but from a whole history of events and emotions. A history that includes rejection, feelings of inadequacy, missed opportunities and ultimate disappointment.
Although I tried to to be objective, my reflection of the event was clouded by my feelings and doubts. If I think back now there are many positives from the audition. I remembered all the material, I was able to talk in an informed way about the show because of all the research I had done, I attacked the material with energy, and I made a really good attempt to adapt my performance to incorporate the wishes of the director. All these things I am aware of now because finding out I have a recall has cleared the smoke from my eyes. If I sit down and write another journal entry reflecting on the audition (something I intend to do) I am positive it will look very different and be much more balanced.
I wonder what I have learned form this? I would love to be able to say that next time I would just be more objective. Sadly I don't know if that is possible. I think these things are always very difficult to see when you are in them. At the time I wrote the first journal I believed I was being objective. Perhaps if during my journal writing I made sure I answered a set list of questions. Ones that forced me to consider positive and negative aspects of the event? Questions similar to the frameworks of Reid and Moon (I will get around to that task).
In the reflection reader Adesola (Akinleye, 2010) describes critical thinking as 'unpicking the layers of understanding and meaning behind an idea'. She goes on to talk about why she thinks 'dancers learn kinaesthetically' and she concludes that the idea for her is informed by her feelings towards herself. By critically thinking about an idea she got to the bottom of why she thought what she thought. I think this is such a good tool to cultivate. It may not change how you feel or what you think (or it may completely change it) but it will give your idea context.
If in future the idea in my mind is "That audition went horribly, they must think I'm an untalented lunatic" then I should make a concerted effort to critically think and understand why I believe that to be true. To put it into the broader context of my own history and feelings. I think that is the only way to stop being disorientated by a skewed perception of events.
After the audition I decided to use my journal to reflect on how I thought the audition had gone and how it could have improved. Here is an extract from the journal;
'My initial performance of the material was really forced, it became all about the voice (probably because it was extremely challenging to maintain) and not about the character at all. The director looked at me like I was completely insane and then directed me on how he wanted the material. He wanted me to do much less. To be more real. I tried to do this but when you're pretending to be a squeaky voiced wooden puppet finding the truth can be difficult. I felt like he gave me an unimpressed look after I tried the material again and then seemed to be quite dismissive. I think I blew it.' (Iles, 2010)As you can see I didn't think the audition had gone at all well. My reflection concentrated on how bad the audition went and how I hadn't managed to achieve any of the things I had wanted to achieve from the process. I didn't feel I'd made a good impression, or shown them my talent and I certainly didn't feel I'd got the job.
So what's my point? Well the next day I received a phone call from my agent saying I have to go back in next week for another audition. Stunned silence on the end of the line (and then perhaps a swear word or two). Apparently the audition hadn't gone as badly as I had thought.
It was this realisation that started me on my current train of thought. If the audition went well enough for me to be recalled again then why was my reflection on it so negative? I decided it was all to do with my perception and this was informed by much more than the event itself. I perceived that the audition panel thought I was untalented, that I had failed to impress them and that the other people there on the day were much more talented and suitable for then job than me. These perceived truths were created not just from the audition but from a whole history of events and emotions. A history that includes rejection, feelings of inadequacy, missed opportunities and ultimate disappointment.
Although I tried to to be objective, my reflection of the event was clouded by my feelings and doubts. If I think back now there are many positives from the audition. I remembered all the material, I was able to talk in an informed way about the show because of all the research I had done, I attacked the material with energy, and I made a really good attempt to adapt my performance to incorporate the wishes of the director. All these things I am aware of now because finding out I have a recall has cleared the smoke from my eyes. If I sit down and write another journal entry reflecting on the audition (something I intend to do) I am positive it will look very different and be much more balanced.
I wonder what I have learned form this? I would love to be able to say that next time I would just be more objective. Sadly I don't know if that is possible. I think these things are always very difficult to see when you are in them. At the time I wrote the first journal I believed I was being objective. Perhaps if during my journal writing I made sure I answered a set list of questions. Ones that forced me to consider positive and negative aspects of the event? Questions similar to the frameworks of Reid and Moon (I will get around to that task).
In the reflection reader Adesola (Akinleye, 2010) describes critical thinking as 'unpicking the layers of understanding and meaning behind an idea'. She goes on to talk about why she thinks 'dancers learn kinaesthetically' and she concludes that the idea for her is informed by her feelings towards herself. By critically thinking about an idea she got to the bottom of why she thought what she thought. I think this is such a good tool to cultivate. It may not change how you feel or what you think (or it may completely change it) but it will give your idea context.
If in future the idea in my mind is "That audition went horribly, they must think I'm an untalented lunatic" then I should make a concerted effort to critically think and understand why I believe that to be true. To put it into the broader context of my own history and feelings. I think that is the only way to stop being disorientated by a skewed perception of events.
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